I wanted to share the notes I wrote for my eulogy for my Mom’s funeral today (February 12, 2022). There were some things I added when I spoke that were not in my notes, while some of the notes I wrote I did not say because I worried I would take too much time.
Here are my notes:
I was watching a documentary about Mr Rogers with my Mom.
There was a clip from an episode, where Daniel Tiger was asking Lady Aberlin about death.
And my Mother broke out into tears.
And she turned and said to me “If anything happens to me, teach the kids about Mother Teresa and Mr Rogers.”
These two people were examples she tried to follow. People she wanted to be like,
Their philosophy is what she believed in. And she tried to inspire others to live as they lived, acting with love and kindness towards others.
Whenever I had to buy her something for a birthday or Christmas or whatnot, I would usually buy her a movie or a book about Mother Teresa or Mr Rogers, or I would buy her one of the books that either of them had written.
It became harder to find books or movies that I hadn’t already bought her.
I think I might have bought one or two things twice, because I couldn’t remember what I bought.
But if you want to know my Mom better, learn about Mother Teresa and Mr. Rogers. Teach your kids about them, as she asked me to teach her grandkids about them.
If you know about those two people, you will get to know a lot about my Mom, and how she wanted to live, what strengthened her, what inspired her, what guided her.
Some of the last things she asked me to tell people.
She said “Always tell the kids to respect yourself, your family and your parents.”
She said “Stay happy and grateful.”
She said “Pray for peace.”
Last thing she asked me to do was to write a short story.
She said “Write me a funny short story.”
I said “Ok” but I was thinking “I don’t know how to write a short story.”
She was a special needs teacher, and cared about those who struggled, people who were sick, kids who had disabilities whether physical or mental.
She loved me and was there for me, even when I didn’t deserve it.
When all I saw were my flaws, she saw the good in me.
My Mom texted me when she seemed to be improving.
She asked me how I was doing.
I said “I am doing good. I am feeling better. I went for a walk around the block today.”
I said “I am praying for you all the time.”
She said “I felt it.”
She said to me “You are a gift from the Lord.”
Then she said “Hugs. Pray for peace.”
I said “Hugs” back.
She said “I just squeezed you.”
I never got to hug her for real again.
In my life, I have gone through 3 conceptions of what eternal life is.
At first, I thought that we live eternally through the things we have done, in the memories of other people, and the things we have left behind.
But that conception was not satisfactory. I don’t want memories of my Mom, that then die when I die. I want my Mom. I want to be with my Mom again, not just think about her.
The second conception I had was a sort of Platonic Heaven, with us as embodied spirits.
But that doesn’t satisfy me any more.
I don’t want a disembodied spirit who I can’t touch, can’t feel. I will not be satisfied with a ghost of my Mom. I want to hug my Mom.
So today, I have come to the conception of the Resurrection. My Mom’s soul and body are separated by her death. But as Christ tells us, on the last day, our souls will be reunited with our perfect glorified bodies. This seems absurd to our modern materialist reductive philosophies, that see nothing but matter. But just as Jesus Christ rose from the dead, at the end of time, we will all be reunited with our bodies, and we will be able to hug each other again.
We don’t end in death. My Mom isn’t gone. She is with us. She is praying for us and with us right now.
She lived in love. And God rewards those who live in love.
The last month or two before we got sick, she was spending a lot of time studying the Bible, watching videos about God and the Bible and prayer.
We spent a lot of time talking about Jesus and the Church and how to live a good life.
I have studied a lot of theology, read lots of books about God and what love is, and I have read the Bible a lot.
She showed me what love is through her actions. And she loved while she was suffering.
I just want to read a few passages from the Bible, that I think she tried to live out in her own life.
I think these passages will help you understand what kind of person my Mom was.
She wanted to live of love.
I think these passages from the Word of God exemplify what my Mom tried to live out.
1 John 4:7-21
Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because he has given us of His own Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent His Son as the savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we know and believe the love God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. In this is love perfected with us, that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and he who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because he first loved us. If anyone says “I know God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him, that he who loves God should love his brother also.
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Matthew 25: 31-46
When the Son of man comes in glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate from them one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, and he will place the sheep at his right hand, but the goats at the left. Then the King will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give thee drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.’
I want to end with two quotes, one from Mr Rogers, and another from Mother Teresa, both which she loved and lived by.
The first one is from Mr Rogers. “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
The second is from an answer from Mother Teresa to a question she was asked when she won the Nobel Peace Prize. She was asked “What can we do to promote world peace?”
And she answered, “Go home and love your family.”
Mother Teresa had a poem on her wall. It was based on a poem by someone else and she made a spiritual version of it. This might help you when you are trying to act in a loving way and it gets tough.
“Do It Anyway” (Mother Teresa version)
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
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