My Standup Jokes and AI

by Joshua Packard

A long time ago, about 45 minutes away, I used to do standup comedy at an open mic in Boston. Since then, I have wanted to do standup again, but there are no open mic events in my area. I have been keeping some jokes that I have written for the time when I might be able to do another set again. Rather than wait around, while these jokes sit here unproductive, not making anyone laugh, I have decided to publish some of my short jokes on my website/blog. I will be using this blog to publish any other humorous writing I would like to share.

So while I would much rather be performing these jokes in front of a live, laughing audience, I publish them here for your enjoyment. I hope they brighten your day and lift your spirits. And feel free to share them with anyone who might need a good laugh right now.

To make this relevant to the subject of this blog, which is computer science education and Artificial Intelligence, I will ask the question: Can computers be programmed to write and tell original jokes? I don’t know the answer right now, but it would interesting to look into that subject. What do you think? Let me know if you have any resources that explore the topic of whether computers can have a sense of humor.

But since I know how to write jokes, but I do not know how to program a computer to tell jokes, here are some of my jokes. Enjoy!

I want to learn how to speed read, but it’s taking too long…

I have a communication disorder, but it’s hard to explain…

Why do cats like to climb inside bags? … So you can let the cat out of the bag…

I like nightmares, because horror movies cost money.

I have a book about procrastination but I haven’t got around to reading it yet.

I have a book called “How to Read a Book” but I don’t know what to do with it.

I have never heard voices, but one time I heard a tree fall in the woods while no one was around…

I am going through a dark night. I have Batmanic depression…

The planet has way too many Malthusians…

One time I was up all night trying to find a flashlight in the dark. I ended up having to buy a brand new flashlight just to find the old one.

Sometimes I forget that I have memory problems…

I like history, but there are a lot of spoilers… “Hey, I am reading a book about the Civil War.” “Oh, I read that. Lincoln got shot in the end.” “Damn, why’d you tell me?”

I don’t watch the news, but I do watch the Twilight Zone, and I think that should count…